Monday, November 22, 2010

Let's catch up

Good morning, Girls!

First of all, I would like to profusely apologize. Life got crazy over the past couple months and I just have not had a minute to spare to update mein Lieblings on my crazy, chaotic, and hellish adventures! However, things are now quieting down and I wanted to take a while to share my opinions of events of late.

I'm all settled down at my desk with a big cup of coffee and a couple hours of sleep less than I need, so let's get to bitching!

Project Runway

First and foremost, I'm sure you're all wondering how I feel about the following:
Pictured: One (1) Very lucky, cold-hearted bitch

Oh Gretchen, thank you so much for injecting interest into a dying franchise. I must say, I'm not nearly as upset about this as I feel like I should be. Sure, Gretchen may be a fire-breathing dragon bitch, but at least she's a designer. I can honestly look at a lot of Gretchen's designs and say "Well... I don't think I've ever seen THAT before!" Before you start throwing your handbags at me, that isn't necessarily a compliment. I didn't really find any of Gretchen's work to be aesthetically pleasing, but at least she has some creativity and vision.

There's no doubt that Mondo was the better designer. None whatsoever. He has more creativity, a better vision, and his works were more polished than Gretchen's. Gretchen won for one reason: she pandered to the judges. She gave them exactly what she thought they were looking for, and they praised her for it. Mondo followed his vision regardless of what the judges thought, and was ultimately punished for that decision.

Let's be honest here, bitches, Gretchen needed the win. Were Mondo to win, he would probably become another Christian Siriano. A fabulous designer for whom a Project Runway win was just one of several victories. Had Mondo won, no one would hear or care to hear the name "Gretchen Jones" again. However, now Gretchen has a platform from which she can build and grow, and Mondo has just as many offers (if not more) pouring his way as he would if he had won. When you think about it, many of the designers who ended up winning Project Runway were designers from whom we have heard nothing since. Case in point: Chloe Dao, Jeffrey Sebelia, Leanne Marshall, and Irina Shabayeva (I still have hopes for Seth Aaron, his Spring line was pretty fab).

So yes, Gretchen Jones is a fire-breathing hellcat who will probably fade into eternal obscurity, but enjoy your win, Gurl. You played the game really hard to get there.

But for me, the high point of the season would be this:
Michael Costello, you are a tool, a douche-bag and have the personality of a throw rug. My life is 5,000% better without you in it.

Top Chef

I've been an on-again, off-again fan of Top Chef for years. Some seasons, I can really get into the action. Other seasons, I'm just not feeling it. However, there is something extremely exciting on the Top Chef front that I just must mention:

Mmmm... why hello there, handsome

That's right. Top Chef is coming back with another one of their spin-offs, this one focusing on past contestants who didn't win, but were all very good and blah blah blah. I know, I know, this would normally be the time when I would be rolling my eyes and changing the channel. But... BUT... this new money-making scheme AHEM... I mean... creative endeavor by Andy Cohen marks the return of my top reality show crush of all time, Mr. Dale Levitski.
Yummy. And I mean YUH-MEEE. This man makes me very hungry, and not for his food.
Seriously, Dale, if you're a vain bitch like me and Google search your name periodically and "happen" to stumble upon my blog, I'm yours. I will quit my job, cash in my measly retirement fund, and follow you to the ends of the Earth. In fact, I think I'm just going to mention your name a few more times just so that it comes up higher on the search results.

Dale Levitski

Dale Levitski

Dale Levitski

Shameless? Perhaps, but you can't blame a girl for trying!

Skinny Bitch

In other news, I'm proud to report that I've regained my skinny bitch status. It took me a long time to get here, but I'm pretty happy with where I am as far as the numbers on the scale go. I came to this realization this weekend while I was out shopping with Katie. I needed to get a new shirt/tie combo for my niece's baptism this weekend, so we were shopping at Express. I was trying on those skinny cut button downs that all the gays are wearing these days, and found that I was actually an Express mens size small. Actually, the small was a little large on me.

I'll post pictures next week when I return to work so that you can all look at them and be inspired to develop an eating disorder.

So to all of you out there for whom increased age equals increased weight, I'd like to say the following: SUCK IT! SUCK IT HARD, AND SUCK IT LONG, BITCHES! I'M BETTER THAN YOU!

That felt good.

Happy Birthday to my favorite bar!

I'd like to give a shout-out to my favorite pub, London Underground (212 Main Street, Ames, IA), and congratulate them on their fourth birthday!

Congratulations, guys! A special congrats to my friend, Jess (although you'll probably never read this since you have the technological connectivity of the Unabomber): you've built something really special and you should be very, very proud.

Come see me act straight!

In other news, I've been spending my "free" time (hysterical laughing fit) lately working on a musical! The show is called "1972" and we are performing it as a fundraiser for the Margaret Sloss Women's Center here on campus. The show chronicles a family in 1972 of a father, mother, and two college aged children. Controversy ensues when both college aged children become romantically interested in the same woman. That's right, I chase after a woman. It's called "Acting," thank you very much!

Here is a link to the show's website:

So come on out! It'll be a fun little show and the proceeds are going to a great cause. Plus you get to see me strut around stage, singing songs such as "Sexy Devil." It's a stretch, I know.


Alright, kids, I think I'm spent for now. I'll come up for some creative blog posts for the future, but please don't hesitate to let me know if there is a topic about which you'd like me to blog. I have an opinion on pretty much everything, and I think you all know I'm not shy about sharing my opinions!

Later, bitches, I'm out!