Money saving tips for Pretentious Douche-bags (like me!)

Every once in a while, I think about my financial situation and grimace. Like many people today, I am in the predicament of being over-educated and under-funded.

I was talking with my guy-friend, Corey, the other day, whining about my dire financial situation and how he should buy me pretty things. He then said to me "What are you talking about? You have your own house, have a nice car, and are successfully paying off your debts. I think you're doing pretty well!" I think he said this mostly to shut me up, but he really was on to something. He made me think of my life over the past decade or so and some techniques I have developed to live comfortably on a budget. Today I would love to share some of those tips with you. Now, I'm not a financial wizard or an economist (as I stated in a previous post, I don't even balance my checkbook), but I live in a comfortable lifestyle and do so on a pretty tight budget, so I think I do pretty well!

• Coffee

I love Starbucks. Way too much. Like, an unnecessary amount. Like, to the point where I need to be on Intervention, desperately gripping a white paper cup. Like, to the point where if a coffee drink could file charges against me for assault, I would have a 500 feet restraining order against me and have to inform my neighbors when I move. Starbucks can be a huge budget buster. My favorite drink is a Venti Vanilla Latte with soy. Delicious? Yes. Costly? Yes (nearly $5). Fattening? Yes. However, there is an answer! About two years ago, I discovered the joys of the Americano. An Americano is basically espresso and hot water. It is a fraction of the cost of any other Starbucks drink (only about $2.50 for a Venti). It's a different taste, and it is definitely not a Latte, but if you enjoy your designer coffee drinks and are on a budget, it really is the way to go.

When I started working full time, I really had a problem getting up early enough to make my own coffee at home. It didn't help matters that when I started, I had to be at work at 7:30 AM every morning (a torture no one should be required to endure), so I started most mornings with my Starbucks trip. I was visiting home one weekend and lamenting on my coffee-based morning woes when my Mom (whom I blame for my obsessive coffee addiction) said to me "Well, I have this extra coffee maker, why don't you put it in your office?" At that exact moment, the clouds parted and angels sang a glorious song.

• Food

First of all, let me just say that I love to cook. I think it's fun and it lets me be creative. However, it takes time and energy, both of which I generally lack. Therefore, I rely a lot on restaurants and even *gasp* fast food from time to time (although, for me, "fast food" generally consists of Subway or Quizno's, so still staying generally healthy). This can be really expensive, especially if indulged upon multiple times a day. I have learned to follow a strict rule when it comes to eating out: only do so once per day, at the most.

Breakfast: That would be coffee for me, which I have already covered. Every once in a while I need to spike it with some whiskey, but that's a necessary expense--especially during new student orientation.

Lunch: Generally, I save my "eating out" rule for my evening meal. I'm lucky in that I've trained my body to not really get that hungry during the day. I always try to keep a box of cereal (I love the Kashi products, and there is usually a kind on sale since the unwashed masses generally prefer their sugary, heavily processed cereals) in my office and a carton of Soy Milk (again, you can usually find some on sale because the Iowa yokels thinks it isn't milk if it doesn't come from a cow) in my little office dorm fridge. Unfortunately for both the thickness of my waist and wallet, there is a cafe almost directly one floor below my office. I have trained myself to, at most, only get a cup of soup from the cafe for lunch, but generally will sustain on my cereal, or some oatmeal I always keep in my desk.

Evening meal: This is my indulgence. Generally I will get take out, but there is even an economical way to do this. Subway and Quizno's both now have a great $5 menu, which is really all you need for a full meal. Every few weeks I'll also indulge on Burger King or McDonalds, but I'd rather pretend that I didn't, so I won't talk about that!

• Grooming products

I don't think I need to lecture anyone reading this blog on personal hygiene. I believe anyone who would read a blog posted by me would shower daily, wash clothes frequently, brush teeth, use hair product, etc. etc. etc. Quality grooming products matter, too. At least they do in my opinion. I've tried for years to avoid Wal-Mart. I dislike their business practices and their approach towards LGBTQ employees, publications, products, etc. That being said, it really doesn't get much cheaper than Wal-Mart for the basic grooming supplies. We aren't just talking about a few dollars here or there, either, this is a significant savings. That being said, there are a few things that I will only buy at Target: shampoo/conditioner (I LOVE the American Crew products), aftershave lotion, and fancy-shmancy organic deodorant. I think it's important to identify the personal grooming products that are most important to you and go for quality there; but for the rest, go ahead and pull on your baseball cap, sunglasses, and oversized hoodie--hood up--and go slumin' to Wal-Mart. At least it's a step up from the Dollar Store.

• Clothes

I'm a gay man. (Gasps all around, I know!) I hate to admit it, but I am sometimes a walking stereotype. One way that this is true is how important my clothes are to me. I currently have three closets full of clothes at home with the plan of turning my spare bedroom into a large walk-in closet. However, there is a way to go clothes shopping, not break the bank, and still be stylish.

Clothing from the Gap generally best fits my clothing aesthetic. I like their simple lines, heavy use of cotton, and focus on the button-down/kakis paring for men. I feel comfortable in their clothing and think it looks good on me. The great thing about the Gap is that about four times a year they have ridiculous clearance sales. Basically, what happens is that they get their next season's stock in and have to get rid of their entire stock from the last season. I have gotten some absolutely incredible deals just by paying attention to what time of year it is and being familiar with the Gap calendar. This isn't just true of the Gap, most major retail stores will have sales like this at different points in the year. The trick is to pay attention, talk to the staff, and really take advantage of these sales when they come around. I have a large stock of button-down shirts (probably around 50-75), but most of them I got from around $9-$12 apiece at these sale events. It helps that I'm a relatively unpopular size (size small shirts), so there is generally a large stock to get rid of at the end of the season.

• Housing

There is a big push right now amongst young professionals to purchase their housing rather than renting. However, in my opinion, this isn't always the most economical option. Generally, you can find renting rates at quality places that are far cheaper than mortgage payments. Also, in renting, I do not have to worry about all the incidental costs that are involved in owning a property. For example, when my gutter collapses (like it did last winter), I can just call my landlord and they fix it, usually the same day. Or, if I lock myself out of the house (which happens more frequently than I would like to admit), I can walk to my landlord's office and pick up the spare key.

It's true that you are not building equity through renting, but I hate the saying that renting is just "throwing your money away." That isn't true. You are getting something in return: you are getting a place to live. Here's the basic truth: everything costs money. You could pay rent or be homeless. Given those choices, I choose to pay rent. I think I get a good deal too. I'm currently renting a two bedroom house, with a two car garage in the historic district of downtown. All my housing costs, including utilities, do not exceed $1,000 per month. I get such a good deal because it is an older house that is not in the best condition, but it works for my purposes, and with the addition of a coat of paint (for which my landlord paid) I think it looks great!

• Be proactive

Like most people, I have a number of reoccurring monthly bills (rent, car payments, student loan payments, hookers, crack, etc.). Most of these payments are automatically deducted from my checking account (which I highly recommend; it saves you the worry of writing checks on time every month and many places will also give you a rebate for "going green," or reducing their mailing costs). For a long time, I would look at my online statements every once in a while and be absolutely shocked that money was just disappearing from my account. Then I got smart, read through my account statements, and made a list of every single bill I have, how much it is, and exactly what day of the month it is going to come out of my account. I also set reminders on my Outlook and iPhone calendars. This way I always know how much money I absolutely need to have in my account and can put the extra either into savings or towards paying off my credit card, car, student loan, future plastic surgery.

Anyway, just a little practicality for your Monday morning! I promise I'll get back to the quality Lindsay Lohan/Mel Gibson posts later on in the week!