Thursday, December 16, 2010

Weekly Wrap-Up: How to lose friends and not influence people

Good morning, kittens. It's been a long week, and it isn't even Friday yet. I don't know about you, my loves, but I'm already ready for a drink!

Let's wrap this bitch up and move on!


... Dammit.

Well darlings, we got through almost all of 2010 without anymore snow, but it just wasn't fated to be. Winter is here to stay, and I couldn't be more pissed. The only solace I have is watching students with improper footwear try to ice skate around campus, and the Burrito Skanks in their mini-skirts slowly develop frostbite on their thighs. But since Winter Break starts tomorrow for students, I'm going to be deprived of both these joys until January.

Oh well, I guess I'll just huddle for warmth in my very drafty office and continue to sip on my lukewarm coffee which may or may not be spiked with Jameson.

Stella's on a rampage

In other news, my cat hates me.

Look at that face. Doesn't it just scream "I'm going to eat out your eyes while you're sleeping"?

For those of you who haven't met her yet, I'd like to introduce Stella. Stella and I have been together for about a year now, and generally, we get along well. However, over the past week, Stella has decided she hates me. I try to bribe her with catnip toys and fancy treats, but then she's just pissed at me when I switch her back to her regular diet of dry food.

Over the past year, I've developed the ability to interpret Stella, so I'd like to share a conversation we had last night:

Me: "Stella, come here and cuddle!"

Stella: "Meeeow" (Translation: "Fuck you.")

Me: "Stella, I looooooove you!"

Stella: "Meoooow" (Translation: "I SAID fuck you.")

Me: "Stella, come here and cuddle so I can give you loves and treats!"

Stella: "Meowwwww" (Translation: "Oh, just die already so I can scavenge off your body.")

Oh, and by the way, many people have asked about how I came up with the name Stella. They assume it has to do with my love of imported beers,

... but actually it revolves around my intense love of a young Marlon Brando circa "Streetcar Named Desire"
I don't think a caption is needed here, do you?

In other news of ridiculously unrealistic crushes...


As I've previously mentioned, Dale Levitski from Bravo's Top Chef is undoubtably my biggest reality TV crush of all time, past or present. Over the past few weeks, I've had the opportunity to drool over Dale as he's participated in "Top Chef: All Stars." However, no more. Last night, Dale was eliminated. It was very sad.

*Sigh* I find it hard to find the passion to watch TV ever again. If it weren't for Iman, I might just call it good and pick up a book.

I'd like to take this opportunity to reiterate my everlasting devotion to you, Dale. Again, if you are a self-involved bitch like me who googles your name and you happen to stumble across my blog, marry me. Seriously, it's legal in Iowa (for now). In fact, I'm just going to mention your name a few more times to put it a little higher in the Google search results.

Dale Levitski

Dale Levitski

Dale Levitski

Desperate? Perhaps. But hey, again, it's worth a shot!

Things I'm obsessed with right now

I'd like to take a minute to highlight some things in my life right now that I couldn't do without.

Peter Gabriel

No, seriously. Peter Gabriel's latest album Scratch My Back is amazing and beautiful, I highly recommend it. The entire album is completely orchestral, with no electric instruments whatsoever. It is all covers of relatively famous indie rock songs from the past few years. Absolutely worth it.

Homemade Pasta

I don't mention it very often, but I'm actually a pretty good cook. I learned how to cook from my Grandma, who is an amazing cook. However, my Grandma doesn't use recipes and doesn't measure ingredients. Therefore, figuring out how to cook things like her can be challenging (to say the least!). Recently, I've mastered my Grandma's recipe for noodles, which was always my favorite growing up. Now I can't get enough! I'm having noodles and mashed potatoes for every meal! It isn't particularly great, because this deviation from my usual meal of Kashi cereal and soy milk has slightly increased my weight over the past few weeks. However, totally worth it.

Irish Coffee

Irish Coffee is a pretty standard drink for me when the weather gets cold. It's one of the only reasons I like winter. It gives me the opportunity to look classy in the bar and be an alcoholic all at the same time.

A Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas

I can't stand Mormons. I'm sorry, but I just take issue with obviously made up religions. It doesn't help their case that they view homosexuality as an illness, the cure of which is electroshock therapy. Seriously. They do. Google that shit.

Listen, I've been to Salt Lake City and toured all the historic Mormon sites. I studied dance in college and even danced with some of the guys from Brigham Young University (by the way: GAY!!! Gayer than gay. Those guys were fah-laming), and I can say, Mormons are crazy.

However, they have a fantastic choir. Generally, I can't stand Christmas music, but A Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas is fantastic. It has that larger-than-life sound which is spectacular. I highly recommend it.

Annie Lennox "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"

Annie Lennox is fabulous. I think we're all in agreement with that fact. Her version of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" is beautiful. I linked it on Facebook a few weeks ago, but it didn't get the kind of traffic I wanted, so I thought I would repost it! It's got an old-fashioned Victorian style to it. It harkens back to the days when Christmas was still a mixture of the original Pagan and later Christian holidays. Enjoy!

Wrap-up for the wrap-up

Alright kids, I think I'm done for the week. I love you all and hope you have a weekend akin to an average Tuesday during the reign of Caligula.


  1. Oooh! You should go to Chicago to visit Dale's restaurant. I've heard it's amazing! Plus, his sous chef is Sara Ngyuen (also on top chef).

  2. I have a similar crush on Mr. Brando circa Streetcar. *sigh* Peter Gabriel's eyes are freakily hot in that image. And I purchased the Annie Lennox album based on your recommendation and I apologize for not giving you the traffic you deserved. Which sounds like an odd statement but I am sticking with it.