Monday, September 13, 2010

Project Runway: Let's catch up

Oh Heidi, you look terrible.

Good morning girls! I need to start this post off with an apology. I'm afraid I've gotten a little behind in my Project Runway posts. It's a long story. I had a very eventful couple of weeks and had to be sequestered from my TV, so only recently have I caught up on my stories. However, I'd like to do a quick recap and update you all on my ever-evolving opinions of the designers.

FIrst and foremost: FASHION WEEK!!! For those of you who may be unaware, the Season 8 finalists showed their collections last Thursday! The way this works is that all designers left on the show at the time of airing design a collection for fashion week. Basically, this means that 10 designers presented collections last Thursday (even Casanova, who was eliminated about 8 hours after the fashion show... you'd think the producers would have delayed the show until Friday so that they could have saved some money in funding Casanova's line, but whatevs. If they want to waste money, that's their business!) So there were probably 7 decoy collections and 3 finalists.

If you'd like to see all the individual lines, I would encourage you to visit one of my favorite blogs of all time, Project Rungay: I will post my opinions on the individual lines after the finale because... well... I don't want to take the time to dish on a bunch of shitty collections *AHEM... Michael C.*

So lets get to the gossip!

Pictured: One (no longer?) Cold-Hearted Bitch

Gretchen! What happened to you? You aren't getting the bitch edit anymore! I must admit, I kind of miss hating you! However, it's hard for me to maintain my distaste for you when everyone is hugging you and being all lovey-dovey. You were even patient with Casanova this week and really worked with him on piecing together the look in his mind.

However, the look you pieced together was still this:

Could this possibly be sabotage? I'd love to think so, but I honestly don't think it was. I truly think this is what Casanova wanted.

However, shitty Ladies who Lunch aside, Gretchen has kind of fallen to mediocrity. She caught the judges attention early because of her expert sewing and tailoring skills, but over the past two weeks she's produced this:

And this:

(Again, having problems pulling up individual runway photos from this week)

Horrendous. Atrocious. Humiliating. Those poor models.

It seems to me that Gretchen is doing whatever she can to obscure and misrepresent her models' bodies. "Hey, I've got an idea! What if I made a nighty and layered it with a dirty tank top that looks like a 3 year old took a pair of safety scissors to it?" Or "What if I made a jumpsuit out of the cheapest material available, with a heavily bloused top?" Those are looks that are flattering on SO MANY women!

Gretchen, it seems to me that when you are being a bitch, your designs really catch the judges' eyes. However, when you're trying to be nice, your designs are mediocre at best.

Let's ramp up the bitch factor, Gretchen! It's the only way you're going to win!

On to my new villain:
Get your hands away from your face, you douche. You look like you belong in a Jane Austen novel.

I must admit, I had sympathy for Michael Costello for about 3 seconds. It seemed like all of the other designers were ganging up on him and he seemed genuinely hurt by the ugliness.

However, I was never fooled by his design capabilities, or lack thereof. His design style (which was confirmed to me by his final collection) is one of "I'm going to look at what every other popular designer is doing right now, copy it in a cheap fabric, and put my name on it." He shows no capability, no promise, and a total lack of taste.

You may be asking right now "What happened?!?" Only a week and a half ago, I was showing leniency towards Michael C. Well, something happened to change all of that. I've been reading some blogs and interviews from Michael's fellow contestants, and I've been reading some disturbing things. Accusations such as his character being a fabrication with the intention of creating interest so that he may generate his own spin-off. Trying to be the "wounded lamb" in order to garner sympathy and a fan base. Now having a reality TV contestant fabricate a persona is not necessarily a new or even original concept, but I think it does show a disturbing amount of disingenuousness and does not win points in my book. Were these accusations coming from only one designer, I would not necessarily believe these accounts, but this is something that has been posted by multiple designers.

It seems that the producers are playing right into this scheme. It seems that they are going out of their way to make Michael appear as the victim and everyone else as the "bad guy." However, every other designer is saying that Michael cannot sew, has no design aesthetic, and is generally kind of a jerk. I trust the other designers much more than I do the producers, editors, or even the judges. The other designers were with one another 24/7 for several weeks. If they all say someone can't sew, I'm going to believe them.

Michael C., you are a troll. You have thumb-fingers and can barely operate a sewing machine. Plus you didn't bring a tape measurer, you dumbass.

On to the person who HAS been getting the bitch edit lately:

"Guys! Michael C. is totally talking shit about me! He called me the BITCH of the show! How dare he! I say that because a friend of a friend who went to High School with Michael C. for 3 months before he moved because his dad was re-stationed to Germany told me so!"

"Oh yeah, Heidi, Michael D. totally can't sew. Even though he's now had two looks in the top three and I've had two looks in the bottom and never been in the top 3, I'm TOTALLY better than him."

Well, gurl, you wanted this to be The Ivy Show, and it's certainly becoming that. However, I don't think it's The Ivy Show you were imagining. You need to stop talking shit, put your nose to the pavement, and start producing designs that are visually pleasing.

Now on to my little princess:
Isn't he adorable? I'd love to see his head hat/handkerchief-less. I can't help but to wonder what he's hiding under there!

However, regardless of how adorable he is, he produced this:
Which can be best described as "1998 Lane Bryant Chic."

It's obvious that Michael is very accustomed to working with a very specific body shape: very thin, very tall women. Again, there is nothing wrong with that because that is the majority of the models for whom he will be designing. However, as far as clients go, it's a very small percentage of the populous. Michael made up for this misstep a bit this week with his resort wear, but if you take a close look at that look, you will notice that it doesn't transcend body shape. That look would only look good on a woman who is very tall and very thin. Again, nothing wrong with this fact, it's just a small percentage of the clientele.

Michael has a serious shot at being very successful in this show barring the chance of a menswear, drag queen, or professional wrestler challenge.

Now I'd like to take a moment of silence to remember our fallen comrades:

Peach, Casanova, you were absolutely terrible designers, but goddammit, you were entertaining! You were the life of the show and even though I hated your designs week after week, I found myself rooting for you two. You are fun, funny, energetic, and beautiful people. Well, except for Casanova's nipple sweater and Peach's shoe/sunglass blouse.

Regardless of poor design aesthetic and poor personal style choices, you two will be sorely missed. RIP.

Okay bitches, that's all I've got today. I hope everyone enjoyed and has a wonderful MONDAY!

Hearts and ass-smacks, C.


  1. I miss Casanova and Peach so much! I wish the two of them could morph into the "celebrity" judge each week so we could still have them on the show. I mean, Kristen Bell brought nothing to the table for me.

  2. Kristen Bell brought nothing to the table for anyone. Hopefully Betty Draper will be better this week.