I have been following Project Runway from its onset. Project Runway redefined the reality television mold and created a niche of reality TV designed specifically for the gay pretentious burrito slinger like myself. Now in its 8th season, Project Runway seems stronger and better than ever.
My plan for my Project Runway posts is to be a bit free flowing. I would like to take this post to bitch a little bit about the individual designers. In future posts, I hope to blog about specific looks that strike me, or even possibly every episode from here on, depending on how busy life gets!
I'm going to pretend that my posting delay for Project Runway is purposeful. Now that four episodes are complete, I've had a chance to get a handle on all the individual designers: both in terms of their design aesthetics and personalities. One brief caveat, however: I am a fickle bitch. The fact that I think one way about a designer today does NOT mean that I will feel the same way about the same designer tomorrow. So stick with me! It's a wild ride, but hopefully a fun one!
Oh, by the way, I'm not going to be talking about every single designer because some of them are... well... boring. Sorry, bitches! Beef it up!
Ivy
Oh Ivy, how I love thee. Not necessarily because of your design aesthetic (which can be best described as "Zzzzzzz"), but because what would Project Runway be without a self-involved, cocaine-fueled (ALLEGEDLY!), little Asian pixy? Seriously, Ivy, episode 1 and you're saying the show should be called "Project Ivy"? You're just setting yourself up for disaster. The best part of the "Project Ivy" comment was that she made it, and then landed herself in the bottom 5 for this look:
Which can be best described as "1986 Resort: Maternity." Seriously, Ivy? "Project Ivy?" More like "Project Ivy for 5 episodes until she gets eliminated and then Project Gretchen until I vomit my upper intestines." (I'll get to Gretchen later. I'm saving the bulk of my wrath for last.) Word of advice, Ivy: Pull your head out of your ass and start designing like it's 2010 and you're on Project Runway, not like it's 1989 and you're designing for "Designing Women."
Peach
I love Peach as a person. I hate Peach as a designer. There were two things from episode one that solidified these facts for me: "My aesthetic is more 'Ladies who Lunch.'" (Oh dear God, no.) "I almost wore the SAME THING!" (OH DEAR GOD, YES!)
I think Peach's aesthetic could be best described as 1950's Coco Chanel. Very clean, simple lines, tailored look, very LBD (Little Black Dress) minded. The only problem is that her take in this aesthetic is very literal. She's not taking a lot of risks or being very inventive.
That being said, I LOVE Peach! I think she has a fantastic attitude (who didn't love it when she came up to Andy last week and said "How can I help?") And she has some spectacular one-liners. The problem is, I think I'd rather have cocktails with Peach than sit through one of her runway shows. Love ya, Peach, but I'm not sure if you've got it!
April
Two words: Quilted Diaper
Here's what I love about April: she takes risks and plays with proportions. Here's what I hate about April: Quilted Diaper. She's got an interesting point of view and is not afraid to make things ugly to take a risk, the problem is that sometimes she tilts a bit too far on the "ugly" side of things. A little pretty never hurt anyone (except for you, Peach, you pretend like I didn't just say that). If Peach could be Peach but with a little bit of April's design aesthetic, I think we could possibly have the perfect Project Runway contestant.
Personality-wise, I don't have a lot to say. April just seems kind of blasé. She reminds me a bit of Taylor from Rachel Zoe Project, which is NOT a complement. Get some energy, gurl!
But still, two words: Quilted Diaper. Honey, no.
Michael D.
And DING DING DING!!! Ladies and... Ladies, we have found my Project Runway crush for the season. Seriously, this kid is cute as a button!
Oh yeah, and he's not that bad of a designer, either. Really digging his aesthetic, but what's sold me is how damn cute this kid is! I love his bitchy sense of humor too. Keeps me coming back for more!
And, by the way, he totally got robbed last week. He totally blew everyone else out of the water. How some gross Roman goddess dress won over his is beyond me. I'm thinking maybe the judges just got their Michaels confused.
A.J.
Episode 1: "Hi, my name is A.J. and I like to throw random shit on models and call it fashion."
Episode 3: "A challenge where we have to throw random shit on models and call it fashion?!? This is totally NOT my challenge!"
Get over yourself, Mary.
Mondo
Mondo's personal style? Fabulous.
Mondo's runway style? Questionable.
Casanova
*Sigh* Oh Casanova. The obligatory "WTF" designer. First of all, I seriously doubt the language barrier is as great as you pretend on the runway. Second of all, that bullshit shouldn't work, anyway, since La Nina is right there and can translate all criticisms meant to make you feel like less of a human. Seriously. I'm just waiting for Nina to rip Casanova a new asshole en Espanol. Your days are numbered, my friend. Were I there, I would destroy a pair of your $1,070 pants for every day in the competition
And on that note, what designer would buy a pair of $1,070 pants anyway? Shouldn't he be able to just look at them and recreate them for himself for a fraction of the cost? Not only do I doubt Casanova's language barrier, taste level, and personal style, I also doubt Casanova's abilities as a designer. Basically, at this point, Casanova's only around to provide us our weekly dose of "WTF?"
Andy
Here's my thing with Andy: it seems to me that Andy is basically trying to be Christian Siriano 2.0. From personal styling to design aesthetic, it seems like he's trying to copy Christian as closely as he can. Not a bad idea, in theory. In my opinion, Christian Siriano has been the best and most talented Project Runway contestant yet, but in reality, Andy doesn't have Christian's personality nor his level of taste, so it just comes off as a faded copy of a copy of a copy.
Christopher
Christopher's a fairly good designer and he's a cutie. There's only one problem with Christopher: Christopher isn't as good as Christopher--or the other designers--think he is.
I have to say, I was totally with the judges on this one. Not because of the fabric choices or even the awkwardness of the tight/skirt (although that was very distracting. It kind of looks like the tights are just way too loose in the crotch and that this wasn't intentional at all). My problems with this outfit is that it is almost directly literally 1950's. I realize the Mad Men trend has had a serious impact on the fashion industry, and we even saw this surge on Project Runway a few years ago with Kenley (Puke!), but this is way too literal. From the fabric choices to the silhouette, there isn't much originality in this look. And it doesn't match the feeling of the hat whatsoever.
Jason
Thank God you're gone, you homophobic, no-talented prick. I hope you fail at life.
Gretchen
I've saved the best for last!
Let me say first, I think there has been a lot of editing to make Gretchen look as villainous as possible. I really don't think Gretchen is as evil as she's made out to be.
That being said, I really love to hate Gretchen!
Gretchen: you won two challenges. That does not make you Project Runway God. For Christ's sake, the judges fawned more over Michael C's monstrosity of a dress than they have over any of your "creations." It does not give you the right to preen around the workroom and offer tips for which no one asked. One of my favorite scenes was when A.J. put you in your place. And then you tried to justify it by saying "Oh, he's just upset because he was in the bottom." Sweetie, you're a bitch with a capital C.
Oh, and by the way, you will notice I didn't write anything about Michael C. That's because I think he's a no-talent hack who never should have been chosen for Project Runway in the first place.
Anyway, back to Joan Crawford... I mean, Gretchen. Let's break down Gretchen's looks:
Episode 1:
Handkerchief hem? Beaded shoulder pads? Again, Designing Women is over. Don't even get me started on the back. It looked like moths got at it.
Episode 2:
Tapered leg jumpsuit? Yes, because that's a look that looks good on SO many women. Choice of navy blue? It looks like her top got ripped as she was wheeling herself out from underneath my car.
Episode 3:
Tina Turner meets Olivia Newton John. Seriously. Sequenced fringe skirt? What was she thinking? Oh, and there was absolutely NO SHAPE to that top. Bad maternity. I was impressed by the jacket, but that's it.
Episode 4:
Do you remember that scene in "Gone With the Wind" when Scarlet tore the curtains down and made a fabulous dress out of them? What am I talking about? You're reading this blog. Of course you remember that. This dress kind of makes me think about that, but it looks like someone got there first and took all the good curtains and all that was left was the sheers in the upstairs bathroom that no one ever uses.
And the atrocity that is those leggings/boots make her look like she just stepped off the set of Vassar's all women production of "Robin Hood."
Step it up, honey. You are not God. You are not even that good. You just have a general sense of editing, something which the majority of the other designers lack.
Wow, that was cathartic! I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I did!
Vassar all women's production of Robin Hood? That would be awesome! But it doesn't make me hate Gretchen any less. All I can do during PR now is sit there and shake my head and just keep muttering "What a bitch. what a bitch."
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