15 Reasons Why I Wish I Lived in the Mad Men Universe

Season four of Mad Men premiers this weekend on AMC, and I must say that I could not be more excited. I love Mad Men... a lot, and I have watched it since the beginning. There is just something attractive about the show that continues to draw me in. I think it's a combination of the intoxicating nature of the time period with the compelling and improbable characters. Perhaps it's just all those men in three-piece suits and hats... mmm... I'll take a slice of Jon Hamm any day!

If you've never seen Mad Men, you need to stop what you're doing right now, got out and rent the first three seasons, and not emerge from your house until you have caught up. The premiere is Sunday! Get your ass in gear!

Several times an hour I think to myself "I really wish I lived in the Mad Men Universe!" For a while we are going to ignore the logistical problems of a gay man surviving in 1963 and pretend it would be utopian for me. Here are my top 15 reasons for wanting to be on Madison Avenue in 1963 New York City.

15. The office bar

Ah, how I long for the days when getting completely smashed at work was not only seen as socially acceptable, but practically a requisite to being an upwardly mobile young professional. Speaking honestly, I think I work a bit better with a whiskey or two in me!

Seeing the decline of liquor and cigarettes in an office setting makes me very fearful of the fate of coffee. In 50 years will it be seen as taboo to have a cup of coffee in the morning? The effects of coffee on the body are very similar to those of cigarettes, so it is very troubling for me. However, in the mean time, I will sip my black coffee and long for a day when I could reach into my desk, pull out a bottle of whiskey, and add a little pick-me-up to my daily cup-o-joe.

14. The office couch

Now, I really cannot understand why we eliminated comfortable furniture in offices. Why did we trade in our couches, armchairs, and coffee tables for metal tables and industrial chairs? Did we think comfort lacked professionalism? Imagine closing your office door during your lunch hour and just laying down for a quick cat nap. Doesn't that sound fantastic? I'm personally in the process of retro-izing my own office: currently my desk and chair date to the '60's, now I'm just working on replacing the institutional table/chairs with a more comfortable alternative. I highly suggest this route. The Aeron chairs may be comfortable, but man, are they ugly! Toss it out in favor of searching through office storage for that perfect 1960's gem.

13. Hats

Can you imagine a time when it was seen as socially unacceptable for a man to NOT wear a hat to work? There is a formality and yet ease to a fedora that makes me wish this look never would have went out of style. That being said, if fedoras were as prevalent today as they were in the 1960's, I would probably spend half my paycheck on hats. The other half would go to #12,

12. The business suit

First of all, I'd like to say that I really love business casual. My working environment is such that I could come to work any day of the week in jeans and no one would bat an eye. Half of the time during the summers I'll wear my Man-pris (male capris) to work, and it's seen as socially acceptable. That being said, I think we've lost something in abolishing the suit to job interviews and only the day-to-day wear of the big wigs at the very top. Something about a well-fitted, freshly pressed suit just screams confidence and success. Not to mention the fact that I think there is nothing that flatters a man more than a well fitted suit. Again, this would be detrimental to my bank account, but sometimes I do wish I could wear a suit every day to work.

11. Bad Parenting

Let me just say, I love January Jones. I think she does fantastically in the role of Betty Draper and I think she, out of all the women except for one, pulls off the 1960's drag the best. That being said, if Betty's parenting techniques were held to modern standards, she would have had her children removed from the household years ago, and probably would have been sterilized by the US Government. However, it makes me long for the day when children were seen as more of a burden and unfortunate byproduct of marriage than as unique and special individu--PUKE! When a little child abuse was seen as natural and you could hire someone to basically raise your children for you. When television was seen as an acceptable babysitter and you could lock children in closets when they misbehave. Betty Draper is fabulous and mothers worldwide should strive to be just like her!

10. Peggy Olson

Peggy Olson, played by Elisabeth Moss, is fabulous. She is quite possibly my favorite character on the show because of the level of complexity and interest in her character. She's young, very smart, and extremely ambitious. This would not be uncommon in the early '60's were Peggy a man, but the fact that she isn't complicates everything. Also, Peggy's strict Catholic upbringing and how that conflicts with her current life as a Mad Woman adds a lot of depth to her character. I think I like Peggy so much because I can relate to her so much. Also, we never completely know what's going on with Peggy. I'm not going to add any spoilers here, but because of relationships and plot developments that were never fully explained, Peggy is a bit of an enigma. I also love Peggy because she's gorgeous, but you almost never see it. She generally tries to hide her beauty and fabulous body while at the office, but when she shows it off... CABOW!

9. The Steno Pool

Imagine a time prior to modern inventions like the Xerox machine, photocopier, scanner, computer, printer, when all of this work had to be done by hand. When dozens of women sat at desks all day with the sole job of typing and copying and taking notes. When every office had a "girl" whose practical job was the clerical work of the man (or woman, in Peggy's case), but whose unofficial job was to do everything from getting coffee to making up excuses to your wife of why you are not in the office. Sexist and degrading? Absolutely. Secretly kind of fabulous?... perhaps.

By the way, just to make things clear, in a scenario like this, I do not see myself as one of the men in charge, I see myself a Jon Hamm's "girl." Mmm... I'd take his "calls" any day of the week!

8. Sal Romano

The character of Sal Romano (played by the fabulous gay actor, Bryan Batt) was one of my favorites on the show, and I think the show suffered when he left. It felt like much of season three involved trimming the cast to only a few characters on which the writers wanted to focus, and I feel that the elimination of Sal was a very poor decision. As his sexuality is coming more and more to the forefront of his professional career, I think it would be interesting to see how his personal life would evolve--specifically his relationship with his darling little wife. Also, I feel it is fascinating to get a glimpse of what it was like to be a gay man in the 1960's.

I was hoping that the changes at the end of season three would give the writers and excuse to bring Sal back for season four, enveloped as the Art Director in the new firm, but from what I have read from interviews of Bryan, it just doesn't look like it's going to happen. Oh well, at least we have the reruns through which we can remember his fabulous character.

7. Smoking being ubiquitous

Listen, smoking is bad for you. We get it. It's been hammered into our heads for the past 30 years. Second-hand smoke is bad for you. We get it. It's been hammered into our heads for the past 20 years. That being said, there is a whole lot in our environment that is a whole lot worst for us than cigarette smoke. On the campus where I work, smoking has been banned. However, there is also a coal-fired power plant on campus that belches copious amounts of carcinogenic gasses into the atmosphere daily. So isn't it a bit hypocritical of us to vilify smoking while deathly grasping our fossil fuels? I personally do not smoke, but I think it is impeding my personal liberties to be so strict about where one can and cannot smoke.

6. The sensual lure of the "older" woman

One of my least favorite parts of our current society is the fact that a woman is basically thrown away as a sex symbol once she reaches the age of 35. I think there is a sensuality and a sexuality to a woman beyond this age that is incredibly attractive... and I don't even like women! Oh sure, there are the "cougars" in today's society, but they are seen as more of a joke. There is an air of desperation about the "cougar" that was just not around this sensual and sexual older woman a few generations ago. Mad Men is chalked full of these kinds of women: Bobbie Barrett (pictured above), Rachel Menken, Mona Sterling (who is fabulous, by the way) just to name a few. These woman are fabulous and probably would be ignored in our current society.

5. The LACK of modern technology

Listen, I love computers. I love the internet. I love my iPhone. That being said, it feels like things today are almost a little too easy. It makes me long for a day when to do research, you had to physically go to a library. When to run a statistical analysis, you needed a calculator. When there was a reason for accounting tape. Nowadays I have a little machine on top of my desk that does everything I need. Within 10 years, my job will probably be completely obsolete. It's a bit overwhelming.

4. Wining and Dining

Business today just feels so... businesslike. By that I mean it just feels so formal and stuffy. It's as if people vying for business want you to choose them based on their merits instead of the quality of the lunch they give you. What happened to the romance of it all? To professionals taking clients out and getting them hammered or taking them to strip clubs? It's just all so dry and boring!

3. No one exercise and everyone looks perfect

Because, come on, who wouldn't want to live in a world where a 6-pack takes no effort whatsoever.

2. Gluttony

Wouldn't it be fabulous to live in a world without trans fats? A world without blood-alcohol content? A world where you could eat and drink whatever you wanted and it was seen as perfectly normal? Our world today is far too healthy. We've stopped eating all the good parts of the animals! Some have stopped eating animals altogether!

There were such things as "vegetarians" in 1964, but it was by no means seen as being socially acceptable. Wouldn't it be fantastic to travel to a world where you could have steak for all three meals in one day? Where you could have an Irish coffee for breakfast, three martinis for lunch, and a bottle of wine with dinner? Where the average American smoked a pack of cigarettes a day? We're all too damn healthy!

1. Joan Fucking Holloway

You didn't think I was going to do it, did you?

Joan Fucking Holloway

God, they don't make women like that anymore. Actually, I don't know if they ever made women like that, but I'd like to think so. Joan is the kind of woman who would turn a man like Sal Romano straight. Gay men have the talent of making women look incredibly sexy, and I can only imagine how flaming the queen must have been who came up with Joan.

Joan is in an interesting point in history. She's right at the point when women like her went out of fashion. With the death of Marilyn Monroe and the rise of models like Twiggy, Joan's sex appeal will soon be traded for something of a very different woman. I'm very interested to see what happens to Joan within the next few years as her sex appeal is more and more dated.

That being said, there is SO MUCH MORE to Joan Holloway than her raw sex appeal. Her professional competence as well as her almost instinctual knowledge of men make her an incredibly interesting character and probably the main reason why I cannot get enough Mad Men.

What did I miss? Why do you love Mad Men (because I know you do!)?