Why I think Lindsay Lohan is a Genius

Lindsay Lohan is a genius (ducks rocks thrown by angry mob). No, seriously. I think Lindsay Lohan has made some savvy personal and career choices that have set her up to make a lot of money and actually be an actress and person who is taken seriously by the public and the media.

Yes, I mean THIS Lindsay Lohan

Here's the deal: Lindsay Lohan has hit rock bottom. Or at least we think Lindsay Lohan has hit rock bottom. I've said that several times in the past, and then Lindsay has gotten out her shovel and proven that she could go even lower. However, having obscenities painted on her fingernails while in court is a new all-time low. It's hard for me to imagine how she could go any lower. Perhaps if she defecated in the Rose Garden at the White House and used Bo Obama as toilet paper while cursing out Malia and Sasha, but I doubt that would happen because no competent Secret Service agent would allow LiLo within 500 miles of any world leader, even Ahmadinejad.

So we've determined that Lindsay has hit, or is near, rock bottom. She has become a kind of circus side show. Personally, I try to avoid celebrity gossip, but it has even become impossible for me to avoid her antics because they have spilled over into the legitimate news sources. So pretty much everyone in the United States is aware of who Lindsay is and of some, if not all, of her personal, financial, family, and legal troubles of late. If Lindsay were to make a major motion picture right now, think about how many people would go out to see her, just for the freak factor. Part of the draw to Lindsay Lohan is the fact that she established her career in making very kid-friendly movies, and she is now contrasting that kid-friendly career with very non-kid-friendly life choices. So think about how many MORE people would want to see Lindsay in a role highly contrasting the work of her earlier career--say as former adult film star Linda Lovelace.

Linda Lovelace is a compelling character in herself. I do not agree with the politics or religious based viewpoints of her later life, but no one can disagree that her story is extremely compelling. Were the casting director to choose a mainstream actress to play this role, say, Rose McGowan (who was originally considered for the role), no one would bat an eye. Rose McGowan is an accomplished actress whose career and personal life have stayed relatively untarnished and out of the public eye. This would just be seen as another role for Rose McGowan; however, with the filter of Lindsay Lohan added to the role, the movie is seen as being more of a self-narrative. It's seen as a cathartic experience for Lindsay to exorcise her personal demons in a very public stage. It's the perfect marketing campaign and a great way to get millions of people (including me) into the movie theatre.

Now: would Rose McGowan be the better actress for the role? Probably. I ADORE Rose McGowan. However, Rose hasn't been scandalous enough. C'mon, Rose! Get yourself a middle-aged girlfriend! Masturbate in a movie theatre! Call a female police officer "Sugar-tits!" Do something! Hollywood is BEGGING you!

This isn't a new phenomenon, it's something that's been happening throughout history. Examples: Charlie Sheen, Amy Winehouse, Winona Ryder, Pee-wee Herman (who is having a fantastic comeback right now), Drew Barrymore, George Michael, etc. etc. etc. This isn't a modern phenomenon either: Oscar Wilde become Wilde-ly (excuse the pun) popular after his male philandering ways were made public. Unfortunately this happened after his death, but genius nonetheless.

Exception to the rule: Mel Gibson

Mel Gibson is a jerk. I have no respect for someone who causes or supports violence towards women. He is a racist, xenophobic ass and I hope he disappears. In his mind, he thinks that "What Women Want" is a slap to the face while she is holding his child and that a society the supports religious plurality would lead to an "Apocalypto." (Aren't I creative?)

My love affair with Amy Winehouse

I love Amy Winehouse. I really, really do! Amy Winehouse is another person who is extremely primed for a comeback. I love Amy Winehouse so much because of her disregard for public and distain for fame. She does not try to be polite and she does not put on a facade in public. She is who she is, regardless of anyone else. I see a little bit of these qualities in Lady Gaga (whom I adore), but it's much more intentional and fabricated. Amy Winehouse is the real deal and she is fabulous.

I remember an instance while I was still in grad school and Amy was at the peak of her insanity. One morning my coworker, Ashley, came into the office and said to me "Did you hear about Amy Winehouse? She trashed a bar last night and screamed to the bartender 'Do you know who I f@!king am!'" My response was "Really?!? That's FANTASTIC!" It's fantastic because it's basically Amy saying "This is who I am. If you don't like it, go screw yourself."

So LiLo, don't be disheartened by your 90 day contempt of court jail sentence, I still think you're fabulous! I see a future for you where you arise from the ashes as none other than Linda Deep Throat Lovelace herself! You are beautiful, no matter what they say, and words won't... gargle... gargle... gargle!